


The Sunshine to My Shadows

by MessedUpMessages



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: I Don't Even Know, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 02:20:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15809334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MessedUpMessages/pseuds/MessedUpMessages
Summary: Keith misses Lance.Lance thinks Keith is dead.Lance misses Keith.





	The Sunshine to My Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> I think this might? Be my longest fic?

Everytime lance saw Keith on the big screen for marmoran conferences, something inside him twisted. His ...friend... was impassive, face set in stone, black hair lank, eyes dark and shadowed from lack of sleep.   
Lance thought he was beautiful.   
Every descriptor was dangerous. He didn't know what to call him. His name set of sparks in his mind, of anger and pain and euphoria all at once. Calling him his friend didn't sit right. he wanted them to be more than that. He wanted- he wanted something- he wasn't sure what he wanted. More than friends. That's for sure. But the worst part of it was, when he saw him on the screen, he couldn't tell him how Keith made him feel. Couldn't talk to him at all. Couldn't tell him how much he really meant to him. Couldn't tell him what he meant to tell him before he left. How much it hurt his heart to see him swathed in black, cold and impersonal, next to a military general. A wordless, emotionless, soundless wraith at kolivans left hand.   
He wanted him to be here, in the flesh, with emotions and words and tiny sounds.   
Lance wanted to steal more glancing touches to his pale skin, the downy raven hair, wanted to see that adorable little raised eyebrow that made his face soft and innocent and open and not at all like that hard edged fighter on the screen. He wanted soft Keith, the one who made jokes at his expense, the one who remembers bonding moments. He didn't want stone Keith, all sharp edges and corners and prickly comebacks. Not Keith with no laughter and jokes that weren't funny.   
But the worst part was that he was intangible.   
So far away from him. 

Keith settled into his hard bunk at the blade of marmora, fingering the shining edge of the polished luxite blade, testing it's curvature. He was overcome by a thought of another time he was looking at this knife, and someone had interrupted.   
Lance had been worried about his position in the team, and had sought comfort with the last person Keith had expected him to come to; his self proclaimed rival.   
In the year they had in space together, Keith had hoped they would, or had, become friends. But, as usual, when he announced he was leaving, lance had done nothing. Just like he had been doing the whole time. And whenever keith pleaded with Kolivan to just let him be there for the video calls, not to even say anything, just to see lance again, the Cuban boy did nothing. Averted his eyes after first contact, hands shoved moodily in the pockets of his baggy army jacket.   
So Keith let himself move on, tried to douse that tiny flicker of a candle flame that had burned for his ...rival… since he realized he wasn't that annoying.   
It didn't work. The long absence, quitting watching the conference calls, shoving every trace of lance from his mind and life, none of it worked.   
It just made it worse.   
But still he tried. 

Lance had convinced himself he didn't like Keith. He never had. He was completely and totally in love with allura. or...he tried to be.   
The truth was, he was in love with Keith. He couldn't help it, and not seeing him every day just made it that much more acute.   
But still, he thought he had found a outlet in his now nonexistent crush in allura, trying to conjure up affection where it wasn't. He succeeded, but only by channeling what he felt for Keith into his actions.   
But it was half hearted.  
Then one day, Keith disappeared.   
Lance skipped down the halls towards the control room, trying to put as much energy in his step as he could muster to make it look genuine, putting on a brave face for the unknown meeting that allura had called.   
The doors slid open to admit him, and, seeing kolivan on the screen, he let a split second of flickering euphoria lose in his chest, quickly quelled when he saw no Keith standing next to him, And the grave faces on everyone else.   
“Lance,” allura said carefully, gauging his expression. “I am glad you're here. Kolivan just told us what happened. I'll let him explain.”  
The red and blue galra turned his gruff expression into lance.   
“Last cycle Keith was sent on a solo mission to reclaim intel and personnel from a galra base. He was supposed to be back two days ago. Him, the intel, and the blades operative he was sent to retrieve have gone missing. The tracker in his blade has gone dark. He's off the radar. The tracker only goes dark if it had been forcibly removed, which doesn't bode will, or if its holder has died. The blades are connected to their wielders life force.”   
Everyone looked at lance to see his reaction.   
But he had gone catatonic at the word missing.   
“Lance?” Pidges asked cautiously. “Did you hear what kolivan said? He said he thinks Keith might be ...dead.”  
Lance had never been good at hiding his emotions, not like Keith, so he was learning. He had gotten better in the weeks since Keith has left.   
But this was too much.   
His heart skipped a beat.   
His face morphed into one of extreme sorrow, with hollow, empty eyes. Devoid of emotion.   
He quickly slammed an iron neutral expression over his grief. Only Shiro saw through the split second crack in his facade.   
He forced a grin tiny smile and as much bravado as he could successfully bluster and said, “dead? Are we talking about the same Keith? He might've lost the blade. More likely he's off somewhere enjoying not having anyone boss him around and having fun ignoring m-us.”   
His voice cracked on the last word, almost saying me. Ignoring me.   
He nodded to kolivan and ducked out the door, ignoring the fact that eyes of all the others were on him. He had to get away from them, escape.   
He missed the look kolivan sent Shiro. 

About a half varga later, the control room empty but for Shiro and allura, the black paladin called kolivan back.   
The leader of the blade of marmora let out an exasperated sigh as soon as he came on screen.   
“Did you talk to him yet?” The galra asked, eyes narrowed. Shiro shook his head and crossed his arms.   
“I don't think any of us know what to say.”   
“He does know that the boy is in fact, most likely dead?”   
Allura interjected. “We don't know that. If lance want to believe that he lives, let him, at least until we are proved wrong. Its not as if they were the best of friends. In fact, until recently, I doubted they could even work together.”  
Shiro looked doubtful. “I'm not sure. I think they were friends at least. His face when you told him that you thought he was dead, he looked...heartbroken.”  
Allura looked skeptical, but Shiro heaved a groan. “I'll send hunk to talk to him. They were friends before this, it might be better if he talked to someone he knew before Keith.”  
Kolivan grunted his aproval, adding, “I'll keep you updated”, then closed the call.” Shiro turned to allura. “Guess I'll go find hunk.”

Lance found himself wandering the halls, tears tracking silently down his cheeks.   
He couldn't be dead. It wasn't possible. It wasn't fair.   
He shut the door to his room and collapsed on his bed, curling up in the corner, black against the wall, knees pulled against his chest, arms wrapped around himself, face buried in his arms. Alone at last, he let out a dry sob and melted into tears.   
He couldn't be dead. He just couldn't.   
He never told him what he felt for him, how he felt. He never could.   
He couldn't touch his skin, his hair, couldn't laugh at something someone said with him, couldn't even pick on him tenderly about his jacket or his moody ways.   
He jolted when someone opened the door to his room, looking up and half heartedly wiping away tears from his bloodshot eyes with the palm of his hand, attempting to disguise his distress.   
“Yeah?” He asked brokenky. “Oh. Its you hunk.”   
He bit his lip as his friend sat down next to him, trying to hold back the flood that was inevitable in coming.   
“Hey man,” hunk said, folding his hands awkwardly in his lap. “How you doing?”   
Lance laughed slightly hysterically, waving his hands in panic. “Me, I'm doing just fine! Why wouldn't I be? My fr-someone I care about- I was just told he was probably dead. I'll never see him again. Why wouldn't I be fine?”   
Hunk heard the way his voice caught on the word friend. There was something there. He just wasn't sure what.   
“Look, lance, I've known you longer than anyone on this ship. I get that your sad, but its possible he's not dead, so why are you so upset? Its not like you- ohhhhh.”  
Hunk threw his eyes to the ceiling in realization. “Someone you care about. Everyone thought you hated him cuz you kept saying you were rivals. Oh oh oh.”   
He winced then muttered under his breath. “I owe pidge ten bucks.”  
Lance lost it. Letting out a chest wracking sob he hid his face in his arms again and just broke.   
“He can't be dead, hunk. Its not fair. You know what the last thing I said to him was when he left? I told him, who am I going to make fun of? That was all I could say. There was so much more I could have, should have said, but I didn't. I don't know why, I was just, scared. I was afraid if I told him, he'd leave and never come back because of me.”   
Hunk touched his friends back hesitantly.   
“Hey man.” He said gently. “It's ok. Personally, I don't think he's dead. But even… even if…. even if he is… not alive… I'm sure he-well-I don't know what to tell you, lance. What were you gonna say to him anyway?”   
Lance shuddered. “It's-I-I wanted to tell Him how I felt about him.”  
Hunk didn't say anything, just patting lances shoulder gently in encouragement.   
“I didn't think it was anything worth getting worked up about. I thought it was just a little hero crush, I mean, he's better than me at like, everything. Then when I realized it wasn't, I tried to brush it off and hide it with pretending to be infatuated with allura. But it didn't sit right. Its just, its so much more than a little crush. I never told him how I felt. I had so many chances to, but that didn't matter. Now I can't because-cause…” he sucked in a rapid breath, “because he's d-dead…”  
He sobbed into hunks shoulder, his friend still patting his back, confused. E didn't have anything to say.   
There was nothing to say. 

The quantum abyss  
Several month's later

Keith absentmindedly tussled with the space wolf on the soff turf of the quantum whale creature. They had been traveling for a long time, and he had counted every day. Sometimes the emptiness became oppressive, and he wandered into the forests with the wolf to think. Occasionally it felt like a dream. And other times he was swamped with extreme regret from something he couldn't place.   
Until krolia asked him about the rest of the team one night in the cave.   
Welcome of the distraction, he sat up and stared into the fire, the wolf shoving it's black muzzle under his arm.   
“Well,” he said, starting slowly. “There's Shiro. He's…” he was going to say, the black paladin, but that's what he was too, wasn't he? “He's the black paladin. He got me into the garrison, and made sure I was taken care of. I owe him my life. He's the person we all look up to, but he's been acting weird lately.” He shook away the thought. “There's hunk, the yellow paladin. I...actually don't know much about him. He's pretty chill, and he makes some good food, and I think he and ...lance… were friends at the garrison. But I don't know much about him aside from that.   
Pidge, that's the short one. She's the green paladin. Her brother Matt is a resistance fighter. She's the tech person and honestly, I don't really understand her. Coran and allura, they're a bit strange. Well, more so coran. I don't know what to think of them. Allura great, but she's a bit too judged and A bit of a goody two shoes. And she doesn't like that I'm half galra.”  
Then he stopped. He rarely talked this much. There was one person left, but he wasn't sure how to describe lance. Nor even if he wanted to think about him. And the. He realized the regret.   
It was lance.   
He took a stuttering breath and launched into his description.   
“Then there's lance.   
He's...something different. You never know what he's gonna say, or do. He's all happy and smiling and shining. He is practically the embodiment of sunshine. He's always warm, always joking, but I think… I don't think he likes me very much. “  
He stunned himself with his words, admitting something he'd never dared to before. His fear of rejection started up again, his fear that the golden sunshine boy would never speak to him again.   
His mother watched him through the flames, smiling softly.   
“I don't think he could dislike anyone who speaks of him so highly.” She consoled him. He looked up, startled, then dropped his head again.   
“Yeah, maybe.” He stroked the wolfs head for a moment, not trusting himself to speak.  
“Before I left, there was a lot of things I wanted to say, a lot of things I left unsaid. That was part of the reason I left. Being out here hasn't change that. I just wonder how long it has been for him, and wether...well, weather he feels the same.”  
Krolia smiled at her lovesick son. “I'm sure he does.”

Keith was dead for a month. Lance spent his days going on their accustomed mission, forming Voltron, doing everything he had been before, with a lot less vitality than before. He threw himself into his false crush on allura with more false vigor than strictly necessary. Everyone noticed the change...but...no one said anything. Its like they were to afraid to broach the tentative topic, so life continued under a false veil of normalcy.   
Then...one day...he came back.   
“Altean pod, please identify yourself.” Shiro boomed.   
Then Keith's grim face filled the screen.   
There were words, dull and indistinguishable from the throbbing in his temples. The others accepted the dead man's presence easily, but lance looked at the screen in a mix of horror and delight, but mostly shock.   
His heart was breaking, shattering. he was broken irreversibly. He had to say something, tell him right now. He opened his mouth and said...  
“Does he look bigger to you guys?” he blurted. that was all he could say. So he rolled with it. “He's bigger, right?” It wasn't false. His shoulders were broader, he was taller. Every ounce of him dripping shadows, the lines of his face deeper, bolder. His hair was choppy, and hadn't been cut in month's, caught in a matted tangle. Lance wanted to run his fingers through it, smell it, see if Keith's skin still smelled the same after his absence.  
But he held his silence, at least until the pod docked at the hangar.   
Everyone seemed a bit more shocked when they saw him in the flesh than they had on the screen, but lance was the opposite. Now he knew he was alive, and his frozen heart had thawed. he was boiling, hiding his hurt under a iron door.   
So that's what he projected, anger.   
“How do we know your the real Keith and not his bigger, cooler, grizzled older brother?” He asked accusingly.   
Keith shoved past him. “I don't have time for this lance.” He said harshly, and lance threw his hands in the air.   
“Hey everybody, Keith's back!”   
He don't know why he continued with the angery charade, after alll, this was the chance he'd thought he'd never have again, Keith standing, alive and there, in front of him, launching into his explanation.   
But...he was hurt. Lance was hurt. He was angry at Keith for going missing. He was angry that Keith didn't realize what he had put lance through.   
Moodily, he turned to the group and listened with half a ear to Keith's speech, paying attention to the words, not the speaker.   
He wasn't aware of the galra woman watching him from behind. 

When Keith heard lances angry quips from the moment he stepped out of the pod, he felt his heart get crushed between two giant fists. He couldn't do this. Lance didn't care. He would hear about Keith's feelings and laugh, laugh that beautiful laugh, and walk away, taking Keith's heart with him. And he had mentioned allura. No. He couldn't be in love with allura. He wasn't sure if his heart could take it.   
Do when he got out of the pod, his fear turned to anger, and he got straight down to business.   
As he told the others about lotor, he was aware of krolia watching Keith. 

Krolia watched the boys exchange, trying to decipher the body language. She could immediately tell who everyone is, by the names being thrown around and the color of their armor. They all crowded around Keith, jabbering and chattering excitedly.   
Except lance. After their initial burst of hurtful words, he had slunk off to the side, watching. He looked rather distressed she noted, and after anmoment of watching his face fall farther and farther, she heaved a sigh and went over to him,extending a hand in greeting.   
“Hello.” She said. “My name is krolia. I've heard...a lot about you from Keith.”  
He looked up sharply. “Probably bad things.” He said ruefully.   
She smiled. She could easily see how Keith saw this bow as pure sunshine. He was.   
It was just hidden by clouds right now.   
“No no, all good things.” She said carefully, with a secretive smile. “I think you should talk to him. He missed you. Two years is a long time.”  
With that last bombshell she left, only staying long enough to see the flabbergasted expression flash across his face. 

“Two years?” Lance murmured to himself, looking at Keith again and reevaluating him. It made sense, the hollowness in his eyes, the gaunt starved look to his face, like he hadn't seen people in a lifetime. That would explain the growth spurt too.   
He wasn't quite ready to forgive him for his first words back being, ‘ I don't have time for this’ , but he could try.   
Because maybe, maybe, if what krolia said was true…  
Keith liked him too. 

Krolia went up to her son and took his arm firmly. Despite her adversity to motherly tendencies, she was determined her son be happy.   
“We need to talk about lance.” She hissed in his ear.   
Keith sent a frosty glare the blue Paladins direction. “What is there to talk about? Its evident he was glad i was dead. He asked if I was someone else. He doesn't like me that way,- or at all.”   
Krolia scoffed in patiently and rolled her eyes. “That depends on your definition of obvious. The moment you turned your back after you told him you didn't have time? He got a face like a lost puppy someone had abused then left in the rain. What you were saying was essentially, ‘I don't have time for you lance’.” She shot a pointed look in lances direction. “There he is. He's here in the same room as you.” Sh said. “Don't wait. Go tell him.”  
Keith went silent. “Alright.” He sighed. “I'll talk to him.”

Keith had given the others the brief lowdown on lotor, and now all they could do was wait. Krolia had moved away a moment ago, So he took his chance.   
“Hey,” lance said cautiously. “Your mom told me you'd been gone two years.”   
Keith started fitfully as lance fidgeted his hands. “Actually, can we go somewhere else to talk?”  
Lance nodded mutely and followed Keith into the hall, where the shorter boy released a breath. “It's a bit complicated, what I'm about to say.”   
“Maybe I should go first, cuz what I have to say if pretty complicated too.”  
Lance smiled nervously. “Oh. Oh ok. You go then.”   
“Yes I've been gone for two years. And… I don't know if this started before then, I think it di, but I like you. I like your shining smile, your voice, your eyes. I like how you tease, how you laugh. I like how you make me feel… happier. You're the sunshine to my shadows. It took me two years to realize what it was, but now that I have, there's no going back. So...I guess what I wanted to say was, I really like you. In a completely non platonic way.”  
He watched lance though his eyelashes for any response. The boy looked happy, which was good, but also confused.   
“But…” he said slowly, like he was trying to piece some thoughts together. “Why did you brush me off earlier?”  
“I was nervous. Plain and simple.”  
“Oh.” Lance struggled. “Oh. Well, my speech is a bit less flamboyant, I guess cuz you were only gone for a month.”  
Keith frowned. “But then again, you thought I was dead.”  
He shrugged. “Yeah, that's true, but the point is, I really like you too. That's why I seized up and acted all mean when I found out you were alive. I mean of all the things to say, why would I say that? I'm so stupid. I guess I didn't want to say how much it really hurt me to see you alive again. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I really wished you weren't dead. I like you too, in a very non platonic way.” He finished, flashing one of his sunshine smiles, albeit a nervous one. “But...I think we should figure this out after we deal with lotor.”  
Keith dipped his head in acknowledgement. “Alright. But First…there's something I've wanted to do for a long time.”  
He grabbed lances collar and kissed him. 

Back with the main group, krolia smirked to herself as she saw lance and Keith leave the room. Hopefully everything would get worked out. In the meantime, they had to deal with lotor. 

The sunshine boys eyes widened momentarily, then he leaned in, hands coming up to the nape of Keith's neck, cradling him closer. He let out a little squeak of pleasure when Keith used his now superior height to deepen the kiss, a feral growl building in his throat. Two years of missed chances weighed heavy in the man's mind, and he was determined to make up for it.   
Then a knock on the wall startle them.   
Reluctant to release their hold on each other, but the need for secrecy abounding, they pulled apart just enough so that it looked casual.   
“I figured I'd find you boys out here.” Krolia said, flashing a rare smile. “As much as I am glad to see it, you should probably hurry it up.”  
With her brief declaration out of the way she retreated, leaving them to themselves. Keith looked at lance.   
“I would kiss you again, but I'm not sure how long it would take for us to get out of here if I did.”  
Lance laughed. “Significantly longer, i'd imagine.”   
Keith lapsed into silence. “I missed you.” He said finally. “Two years is a long time.”  
“No Kidding.” Lance said softly. “And if I could, I'd spend two more years, or longer, with you right now. But…” he heaved a sigh. “In fairness, we should probably go deal with lotor. Just promise me we'll return to this after we're done?”  
Keith smiled. “Promise.”


End file.
